There are things you do hate, Lord. Perfume-smellin’ things, lacy things, things with curly hair.
Or, Attack Of The Plotlines II. I mean, who’s greenlighting these things? Who read the script and went, sure, go ahead. Multiple Johnny Depps for no apparent reason, a giant goddess who dissolves into crabs, centring the film around the blandest leads imaginable while shoving your few decent characters to the sidelines- go to it! The narrative is endlessly convoluted and makes absolutely no sense, the characters are adrift in an ocean of incident and counter- incident, the jokes are atrocious and the action uninvolving. And it’s 2 1/2 hours long!
Perhaps in later years this will be rediscovered as some sort of lost psychedelic masterpiece- it’s closest relative in film to date is not Captain Blood but The Monkees’ Head. For now, it’s an embarrassment, and perhaps the most willfully daft and disappointing major blockbuster ever made.
by Tom Huddleston | Source: 35mm print
11 Jun 2007 12:34 PM | Submit Comment